ONE HUBCAP FARM | Blythewood, SC

Plant a river birch and some azaleas, they said…

…and put some camellias right under the window.  Put some bamboo in the back, they encouraged.  It will provide a privacy screen.  The label says it grows quickly, and that’s what we need, they said.  This yard is bare!  We will keep them trimmed, they said. Maybe we need a dogwood, another couple of azaleas, and even a Chinese tallow tree, or “popcorn” tree in a 10 square foot area in the front yard.  They look so small in their tiny nursery pots and this yard is just barren, they said.

Thanks for the disaster, unwise homeowners.  

These camellias’ and azaleas’ goal in life is to grow so tall they cover the windows.

The neighbors said they needed some privacy, and so they planted bamboo decades ago.  

It’s not on our side of the fence, so what can we do about it?  Pay thousands of dollars to remove a nuisance that is technically on someone else’s property, even if it does come over to ours?

What we really need is a bulldozer, 5 gallons of diesel fuel, and a match.  You probably can’t do that within city limits, unfortunately.  No room for a bulldozer on small urban lots, and the fire department is within smelling distance of a brush fire.

Plan ahead when you plant the garden.  Read the plant labels and believe what they say.  If a label says, “Spreads easily,” don’t use that plant.  If the label says the mature size of the shrub is 8 feet tall, please don’t put it under your window that is 4 feet off the ground.  Find a nice shrub that is closer to 4 feet at maturity.

I love enormous azaleas, too, but I plant them at the edge of woods or on property lines where they can grow as big as they want, not under the window where they must be sheared into boxes to maintain any sense of order.  Azaleas are very ugly shrubs when sheared into boxes.  If you need a little box of a shrub, plant a shrub that grows slowly and promises to remain small.

The bed at the front with two trees and three azaleas would have been lovely, and manageable, with one dogwood tree and one azalea.

River birch?  Just say no.  Also say no to Bradford pears.  Both trees are non-native, invasive trees with weak limbs that are prone to breaking during storms.

Patience is a virtue, especially when planning the garden.  Home builders like to have a mature-appearing landscape when they close on the house.  They can walk away before the shrubs head for the eaves and the hapless homeowner spends an entire Saturday that he or she will never get back, several times a year, pruning plants that are too big for the space in which they live.

Pull them out and start over.  That’s what needs to happen to the shrubs under the window, even if killing mature shrubs horrifies people.   I can tolerate  a yearly pruning, or even a minor haircut with the electric trimmers twice a year.  But any plant that threatens to cover the house every six months has to go.  Imagine what would happen if you became ill and were no longer able to do all the heavy work in the yard and were unable to afford to hire it out?  Plan the landscape with future maintenance in mind.

Many people profess that they hate yard work.  I would too if all I ever did in the yard was mow the grass and prune the shrubs.  Put the correct plant in a suitable spot, and enjoy the garden.  Plant some flowers, sit and watch the bees.  Don’t dread the idea of pruning all that jungle again.  Rip it out and start over.